It's the first of June during my thirtieth year. That seems like a milestone of sorts. A good one, at that.
I like being thirty. I like the way it feels to say it, so I say it often. I like who I am at thirty, and I like that I pass for thirty, even though my friends say I look younger. I know that even if I haven't got any major wrinkles yet, my eyes give me away. There is a hope there that comes with living, the kind of living that takes time, say thirty years or so. I've seen things, done things, had things happen to me, and made things happen to other people. I've loved my fair share, and been loved way more than is fair. While I have done things that I'm not proud of, I wouldn't say that I spend any time on regret. It's a wasted emotion. There is one thing I have learned very well, and that is that energy for emotions should be conserved. I think wasting too much emotional energy on things like regret, envy, self-pity and anger is what makes someone old. I'm not where I thought I would be at this age. I thought I would be a mother and a wife. Instead, I'm in the process of dissolving a marriage, and the only children in my life are my sister's babies. I'm okay with both of those facts, and I still hope to be a wife again one day, and a mother. And so here I am, on a pleasantly cool morning, happy in my skin and ready for what comes next. I can't wait to see where I am on my next first of June.Okay, way longer than a minute. But I am like that sometimes, I leave things, or people, or interests for long periods of time, and then come back like I was never gone. With people I have been lucky in that they always let me come back.
So here I am! Let's see what I can get up to.
